Thursday, January 6
I normally do not post about serious stuff but look at the crap these people are going through over there...from 1000 feet above.
posted by Vaginatarian on 1:01 PM
Tuesday, December 21
WELL IT FINALLY HAPPENED...
I personally do not understand why it is such a big deal, nor why we get so embarrassed, but when someone other than your buddy catches a whiff of your freshly pooped poop, ya feel a little strange.
After 15 months of being together it was inevitable. Not even the courtesy flush helped it either. I sat down at my gf's apartment and did my duty, only then realizing all the TP was gone. So naturally I looked under the sink and to my horror there was none there either. So I had to ask her to go and get me some paper towles or something. So she did. And our eyes met in a way which turned out to be the most uncomfortable glance ever. I opened the door and she reached in with a gasping "Here!"
I felt badly for her since it brought back those awful memories of when I was little and had to perform Operation Need to Wipe. My dad was always the guilty one to forget to look before sitting. He would yell like he fell in or something, but then I would cautiously approach the bathroom door to hear "hand me some toilet paper." You know you can't just leave someone without proper wipage. To me, this favor ranks up there with bailing someone out of jail. So I guess I owe my girlfriend one. Now I just KNOW the dreaded 'tampon run' will soon happen.
posted by Vaginatarian on 1:05 AM
Thursday, December 9
This is what all these bullshit finals will do to ya.
If anyone notices or reads this post, you too, I am sure will feel my pain. Have you noticed being on campus that everyone is pissed? All anyone wants to do is get in there, take the goddamed final and get the hell out of class. But first you have to get there. I attend UT so it requires riding the bus since I do not live within walking distance. You get to the bus stop and there are 75 people who, like you, got there a little early thinking "yea, I'll get there early and beat the crowd." There is no such thing at UT. Since I decided I will spend no more time studying, I sit back and laugh at all the people cramming, standing, walking, with their notes in their hands as they wait for the busses. Once you finally get on the bus there is a fight for seats since everyone believes their exam is more important than the other.
Arriving at school is somber and silent. Since at UT professors tend to fuck you over on the final because pretty much everyone can keep up with the classes, so most people make good grades. So they have to meet grade distribution requirements, because IT WOULD JUST BE AWFUL FOR EVERYONE TO GET SOME A's AND B's. Then you get to class and there is always some dumb bitch or asshole who asks all the wrong questions that were covered in the last class or email sent out by the prof, but they decided they could not make it.
Then you have The Sniffle Family in EVERY damned exam. Whether there is only 5 people in your class or what, there is some sick prick who just happened to pick the seat next to you and cough and blow his or her nose for 2 hours unrelentingly. Right next to, but not related to, the Sniffles are the O. M. Gods. These people are the ones WHO WONT FUCKING STOP SHAKING THIER LEG IN THE ROW OR SEAT NEXT TO YOU and you feel like you should be taking a geology exam on fault lines. I guess they did not study enough or what, but they are sure as hell are nervous.
Next I would like to point out that the females decide that since they have been studying all day and night, and have seen everyone in the class for an entire semester, they do not need to dress to impress by any means. So they roll out of bed or a nap and come to class with their hair pinned up and face still wrinkled and lifeless from sleep. Ladies, for the love of god, so something. You shatter what positive images of you we did have coming to your final with matted hair and absolutely no color in your countenance.
One thing I suggest is TAKE A BREAK and really, DO NOT TAKE this shit so seriously. Lighten up and relax and your finals will go even better than if you clutter your mind with 1,000,000 last-minute little ideas.
posted by Vaginatarian on 4:57 PM
Tuesday, November 9
This is Mozart. He is one of the two Weimaraners we have here at the house.
Before I begin my story about him, I will ask you to recall that conversation every teenage male had at some point in time about "If you could, would ya?" And since the subject is of a male dog who can easily 'lick himself,' I think you know what I am talking about.
So, anyhoo, here we go. My brother tells me he is just sitting around the house, playing some Halo 2 and Mozart starts licking himself. No big deal, he does it all the time and we just consider it as "Oh, he's just cleaning himself." But apparently this time he's really diggin' it and decides that he is doing quite a number on himself so he starts getting a little 'excited.' Well subsequently the poor guy, not really knowing what he is doing I guess, gets a 'funny feeling' and begins the whole dog-humping-motion...to his very own mouth. Fucking gross. So my brother hit him and told him to cut that nasty shit out. But apparently for Mozart it was great and Bryant caught up with him like 10 minutes later. Bare with me on the lighting as this was filmed with a crappy digital camera in dim light, but if it was THIS good, maybe I oughta have a couple ribs removed.
Check out this video.
Ahhhh, I think we all know the 'hump-like-an-animal-sleep-like-a-baby' sleep.
posted by Vaginatarian on 9:07 PM
Wednesday, November 3
WHAT YOU SAY!
This was the look of fright and disgust I caught when sneaking up on two hippies who were apparently celebrating the fact that they thought Kerry would actually win. Then I told them Bush had just received 269 electoral votes and snapped this picture and ran away giggling.
I am glad Bush won, because I support him and most of his values, but conversely I do not look forward to listening to all the pussy cry-baby liberals around here in Austin for the next four years.
W pwnz0riz0red and that's all I have to say about that.
posted by Vaginatarian on 1:51 AM
Saturday, October 2
A NIGHT IN PARIS
It is common knowledge that Paris Hilton is looser than a nickle slot machine at the Golden Nugget. Through the wonders of modern technology however, we now have undisputible proof. If you look closely, I think there an actual diving board just above her belly button.
We all know that Paris will drop her drawers and spread her awfully dug out holiest of holies for just about anyone who attemps, but maybe, just maybe it's time to consult a doctor about that canyon there. Not only could it be labelled a national geographic landmark, but it is a varitable microorganism mecca. There's no telling what kind of living creatures you'll find...it's a biological wonder. Ah well, such is life, and for some reason people are still enamored by her.
posted by Vaginatarian on 6:47 PM
Tuesday, September 21
It has been nearly 8 months since I have posted on this blog. A lot has happened in that time.
It looks like the last time I posted was the first day I went to try out for the Friday Night Lights "football team" for the fimling of the movie. Well I made it, and then through a very long story I got a part that some how had a SAG contract tied into it.
So yea I spent 3.5 months working on http://www.fridaynightlightsmovie.com/ as a hired stunt man doing football stuff and also as the character "Wilson" in the movie. I am actually in the trailors in a couple places but you can't really tell it's me.
I am not really gonna write anything humorous here, I am just wondering if anyone even comes to this site anymore. There has been a lot of people coming to this site and linking it so I figured what the hell I will post and if there are any responses I will contiue posting. I would make a new blog, but it is just too much work getting one that's worth a crap started.
posted by Vaginatarian on 7:19 PM